I remember...

When I was younger, I had this best friend , a polish blonde girl,,.she really became like a sister to me, and somebody I looked up to very much....She was very pretty, feminine, girly. and very much in love with herself, in a way I found to be most times pretty adorable...We just had this natural sister like chemistry...eventually our friendship came to a weird place as a guy she was interested in , ending up texting me and calling me..How he came to know my number was more than surprising...But we all have detective capabilities I suppose :)...One of the things that did bother me at some point in our friendship, is when we would go out dancing etc, a couple times guys remarked that she was the innocent one and I was the mischievous one...I found this most frustrating at times, because actually i was the far more innocent one, usually studying, doing some king of art project, dance courses etc,...But, because she was much shorter and innocent, and little dwarf looking, she literally could get away with anything, because she just had that little child look.,...It's been a long time since I have been treated in such a way...Most of my life , people truly do see the innocence in me,...I have volunteered for extended periods, I passed college level in things pretty young, and I have lived extended time in Europe, Asia, and have studied post baccalaureate level at Oxford Univ, Harvard, and History of Art courses at St. Petersburg State University, and Christie's in London..While some of this was online, hence via correspondence, does not mean it was not legitimate ..it's just that I also have often cherished my freedom for travel, and discovering myself in senses and creativity. As Rousseau believed, that part of our learning is truly within nature and in a natural way ...But yes, it was really upsetting to my psyche, that just because she was short and child like in looks, she was deemed at times "the innocent one," and ironically she was the one bedding lots of men, drinking a lot, even smoking at times, and I was the healthy and innocent one, that was pretty conservative sexually , as I have been most of my life ...Often sex has been more fun to me in this fantastical way in my head, but really when I truly think about it, I have had very little sex in my life...Even David truly treated me more like a biological daughter...

Like I often believe, much in life can be this mirage for our senses, because it appears or sounds a certain way, and the truth and reality is really far different...it's human nature at times to want to believe the worst, but we must all try to be beyond this, especially when there is a consistent way someone loves and values life, and all within it...at heart i am just a simple, loving, playful, sentimental and poetic being, that cherishes nature, lovely untampered places, and truly living life where it feels beautiful, alive, inspiring and lovely...i have a renaissance kind of soul, and really much of what it modern, or high action, or anything that can pollute my spirit, body, or senses does not interest me at all...I love to feel healthy, evolving, creative, alive, tranquil, vibrant, and connecting to the moments, time in my life in this natural, artisan, authentic, organic way...