i am still quite sensitive, incredibly romantic, and very fragile also.....

To truly know me, is to understand the very gentleness and fragility of my soul and being...
even if i am not runway model thin,

i am still quite sensitive, incredibly romantic, and very fragile also..half off the day i am battling chronic anxiety..at times all day...where it feels i am disconnected from myself and like floating and not even connected to time truly...especially i am like this when i am not with a strong man that grounds me, or around very strong personality friends...it's really the truth about me..

the last couple of days my anxiety has been so intense, that literally my chest bones have been hurting...so much at times goes on with people, that is just not observed with one sweeping glance of the eyes...

I have never sought "power," in life..it is just not interesting to me...especially i notice the more power oriented a person is, the more they are often dissociated from .nature, simplicity of moments, beauty, life....Kimmie's character in my best friend's wedding reminds me a lot of me...the real me...bubbly, sweet, endlessly romantic, playful, girly loving, but also a bit of firey personality :)

am much more of a soft, submissive soul..i have some spark and bits fire, and like to have a little bit of attitude at times, more so for the simple joy of exploring my own wittiness, and combining with banter with others.....but i am a creative being, that loves melting to a classical concert for hours,  sensually cooking in a seychelles jungle villa, or simple as taking a nap and feeling my senses stimulated by the nature around me, than prancing around on stage gaining attention or seeking great amounts of power....i am naturally gifted in so many areas, that it is just delightful often to feel the sensations of my abilities in my being...even learning to be really happy..

truly just have a lot of inner peace i have harnessed over the years and always focus on, to be content and tranquil with myself, little joys, create, be loving, be thoughtful...it is more wonderful for me to love and make someone i love deeply feel amazing, than worry about myself even...

it's funny as often i observe and meet girls and ladies, that all they want is power and position, and this has never been my craving...i am a lover, a creative, a nurturer, a nature lover, a playful one, but quiet mellow observational one ..truly creative people are more visionary than power driven really :)

with myself on my own is an art into itself, and i achieved in creativity, jungle meditation...but i do truly crave an intimate wonderful love...but sometimes i don't know if my heart believes...so much in life now is not real...everyone has so much choice, options, distractions, other lovers....it was kind of a very heartbreaking part of me to grow up and realize this...

everything i post has some conscious and subconscious intention...like even the great gatsby video i posted with her being heartbroken over Tom's affairs...i don't think men ever realize that, while we learn to live with this...it truly destroys a great part of our heart forever...it's kind of like this magical innocent lustre of life fades away forever...we are taught as little girls to love and believe in love and its purity...and then to grow up and realize what it truly is ..is really sad...i was very naive initially in my first marriage.

..i truly believed..and then one day came, and this entire view of life for me shattered....so now i make adjustments and am more relaxed about a man's wanting for other lovers...but i don't really at heart like it...when you are deeply in love and love someone, you naturally want them to .belong to you...:)

But I also think truly loving someone is not being possessive, but letting them live life as to what they want///but love can be so beautiful, but also so awfully painful also...

The more we love someone, the more we mentally, emotionally and physiologically attach...

& the very romantic being in me, that is very romantic, whimsical, wishful, loves to just abandon to each other and belong to each other...it's very beautiful to belong to each other...as much as both believe are willing to do :)

I feel the more you open your heart to someone, the more beautiful the love is...a wild sweet rose garden will only flourish part way, with a half open heart ;)

xxxo

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